“Frequently the very best evidence that we can have that we are in the right way is that the least advance costs us effort and that darkness shrouds our pathway. It has been my experience that the loftiest heights of faith we can only reach through darkness and clouds.” This Day With God 212.2
This is so very true. I will now open my entire heart to you.
I have found myself undaunted by the difficulties and hardships that come my way just before taking another step forward. Expecting it and satisfied in knowing that the harder Satan works to trip me up and stop my work, that means the greater will be the results for God, and more lofty heights of faith can be reached!
However I met the deepest darkest experience when I left America just one month ago – October 7, 2018. My Mother is just turning 95 years old. She is losing her strength and I can see a big difference in her this year, in fact sometimes I wondered if she would make it through the night. She seemed to need my help in everything. I had been busy the first 2 months in America with speaking appointments and travel from West to East, North to South. So I dedicated one extra month just for quality time with my Mother. We have such a strong bond of love between us that it is beyond explanation. She is precious beyond words! How we enjoyed out time together – making the most of every moment. But soon I must leave and resume my work in BYT, and I felt that I would never see my beloved Mother again. I pleaded with the Lord show me what to do.
“Oh Lord You know I want only to do Your perfect will.” I pleaded. “Right now I feel I cannot go on, I am so torn, please help me!”
I asked the Lord that if I must leave her could He please help her rally and regain some strength. How could I leave her like this? The devil pushed and pushed me down until I felt oppression like I’ve never felt before. I was so torn that I thought my leaving would cause the end of life for my Mother.
I quote Mrs. White’s comments about Elijah:
“Into the experience all there come times of keen disappointment and utter discouragement, days when sorrow is the portion, …days when troubles harass the soul, till death seems preferable to life.” PK 162
We are supposed to honor our dear parents. I desperately sought the Lord with strong crying and tears. Oh utter anguish. But Somebody was bending over me with love and tender compassion, and He softly and tenderly spoke to me:
“He that loveth father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me.” Matthew 10:37
and “Whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be My disciple.” Luke 14:27
It was the Lord saying to me, “What doest thou here Elijah (Gayle)” Why are you utterly cast down? Come and follow Me. Put Me first. Pick up your cross – Don’t lay it down – Be My disciple!”
I purchased my airline tickets to Thailand for October 7, this would give me 2 weeks back in my village before going to the Philippines where I had numerous speaking appointments and needed to be rested and close to the heart of Jesus in order to bring an appeal to the large groups of young people, to surrender all and work for Jesus.
I can now teach them about full surrender because I have just surrendered my all once again to that sweet, still small voice! And what a victory for the cause of Christ to speak to those Philippine young people! Only in heaven will we see the far-reaching results of our work here on this earth.
I must tell you that my Mother has rallied and once again she says to me: “I am the happiest Mother in all the earth because my daughter is a missionary working for God!”